


(funny) I ain't ever felt better

by bruisingknees



Series: shambles [2]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Domestic, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 18:09:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18922339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bruisingknees/pseuds/bruisingknees
Summary: The first time Matteo kissed a guy, it felt like relief. His brain and his body had felt steady. Kissing girls had been about tricks; tricking himself and tricking others. This was just kissing someone because they wanted to kiss him, and he wanted to kiss them back.Kissing David for the first time is the opposite of steady.





	(funny) I ain't ever felt better

**Author's Note:**

> This is the promised sequel to [If my life is in shambles](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18882766). You should probably read that before you read this! 
> 
> This is basically a very, very fluffy, very self-indulgent look into the first month or so of Matteo and David's new relationship. 
> 
> Title is from the same song: shambles. by Ben Zaidi!

The first time Matteo kissed a guy, it felt like relief. 

It happened at the tail end of a truly horrible period in his life. He'd been going through so many long, lonely months where all he managed to accomplish was to isolate himself from everyone he loved. His friends had let him know they couldn’t do it anymore, his roommates had all but thrown him out, and his mom had even come to forcibly check up on him after he hadn't replied to her in weeks. 

It was his mom’s visit that had finally been the turning point. He’d cried in her arms, telling her everything as he clung on to her. She’d held him tightly, and told him that she loved him, and that had been the only thing he needed at that point. 

He’d cried when he came out to Jonas as well. Everything had still felt so hopeless at that time, and all Matteo could worry about was that it was too late, and he'd ruined everything. But Jonas, just like his mom, had hugged him close and told him everything was going to be fine. He’d felt a little lighter afterwards. 

It was difficult with every person he told, but it also got a little bit easier every time as well. He felt like he could breathe a little better with every new person that knew. 

He cleaned his room and did his laundry. He made his roommates dinner to thank them for putting up with him and he bought his friends a round of beer and promised he wouldn't put them through that again. He also agreed with his mom to go and talk to a professional. He started picking up the threads of his life again, and he even applied to college. 

And then a couple of weeks later they’d been at a party, and there had been a boy. Kiki had dragged Matteo up to him, claiming they had loads in common - to this day Matteo is sure that being gay was the only thing they did, in fact, have in common. Matteo had talked to him for a bit anyway, and it'd been awkward because everyone was looking at them from across the room, but the guy had told him he was cute, and they'd kissed in the hallway outside. 

It’d felt like relief because it was easy. His brain and his body had felt steady. Kissing girls had been about tricks; tricking himself and tricking others. This was just kissing someone because they wanted to kiss him, and he wanted to kiss them back. 

 

Kissing David for the first time is the opposite of steady: it’s a rush that goes through his entire body. It’s a clawing feeling at this chest, it’s numb fingertips and it’s a giddy giggle escaping his lips afterwards. 

David’s hands are warm, curled around his face, and Matteo’s fingers are running through David’s hair - and there’s _so much_ going through his mind. It feels like it’s spinning out of control until David leans in again and everything screams to a halt when their lips touch again. 

It’s so cliché and it’s _embarrassing_. It’s also just a bit terrifying because Matteo feels unprepared for how much he feels and how much of himself he has to put into this. Everything is new, and Matteo isn’t sure if that’s what makes it scary, or if that’s because it’s _David_ , and Matteo wants to keep him so badly. 

\---

The day after Matteo’s apology, after their first kiss and an entire night of more kisses, they have pancakes for breakfast with Kiki, Carlos and Sam. It's awkward again, cause it feels like his friends are watching from across the room once more - or from across the breakfast table in this case. David breaks the tension by kissing him on the cheek in front of everyone and asking him to pass the sugar. 

They ditch their friends and roommates soon after and go out on a date to the skating rink. 

Matteo uses his natural flair for the _ungraceful_ and unsteady as an excuse to have David touch him the whole time. They kiss when they’re putting their shoes back on and David tastes like the hot chocolate he had earlier. Matteo’s hands are numb from the cold, and from the way his body seems to just naturally react to David. 

They go back to Matteo’s place once it gets dark out, and watch Only Lovers Left Alive on Matteo’s laptop. They're curled up together in bed and Matteo tries to remember everything. He tries to store all the details of the movie away so he can go back and figure out why it’s David’s favorite and what that says about him. 

David leaves the next morning, after breakfast, and it's the first time they've been apart in 40 hours. It _sucks_. Matteo can still smell David on his pillow and it's excruciatingly difficult to focus on his assignment. 

 

They text almost constantly on Monday. They exchange school schedules to figure out when they’re on campus at the same time, and how often they can have lunch together. Matteo sends David a picture of the load of laundry he's done, and David replies with a selfie where he gives Matteo a thumbs-up. Matteo saves the picture to his phone and sets it as David's contact picture. 

On Tuesday they meet up before communication, which means that Matteo has to wake up even earlier than he usually does. David looks as rumbled and sleepy as Matteo feels. It’s endearing and _attractive_ , and it makes Matteo feel a million times better. They grab some pastries from the coffee shop they had their first none-date at, and David tastes like the large coffee he ordered when Matteo finally gets the courage to kiss him. It honestly feels like it’s been forever, while in reality it's only been a couple of days. 

David makes a happy sound into the kiss. Matteo has to pull back from their embrace to mock him for it. 

“Shut up,” David whispers, leaning in for another kiss. 

Matteo shuts up and kisses him. 

They sit next to each other in class and it’s _never_ been more difficult to pay attention. Matteo keeps looking over at David, while David refuses to look back even once. In the end Matteo has to resort to poking him in the side, just to get some sort of reaction. 

“You’re the worst,” David whispers to him. The guy in front of them has started throwing them dirty looks cause Matteo’s pokes have made David knock his knee against the desk in a loud, dull thud. 

“I want you to pay attention to me,” Matteo whines. 

“After class,” David promises. “Pay attention. Learn something.” 

The girl next to Matteo shushes them. 

Class is definitely even worse now. That is until they spend twenty minutes making out in an empty hallway. After that Matteo thinks uni's never been more awesome. 

\---

David officially and properly meets Jonas before sociology on Wednesday. 

Matteo is the one who set it up, and he’s also probably the one who’s most stressed about it. 

He was worried that arriving with Jonas would make it seem like his loyalty was with him, but he was also afraid that arriving with David would make Jonas think that it was Matteo and David against Jonas. It's while contemplating all that, that Matteo realizes he's already overthinking everything way too much. In the end he decides to just go by himself. 

Jonas is already there when Matteo arrives and apparently he's giving out _obviously stressed_ vibes because Jonas squeezes his arm and says: “Relax, I'll be nice.” 

Matteo tries to scowl at him, but he thinks it comes out more like a smile. He sits down next to Jonas and sort of just leans up against his arm to leech some best friend comfort. 

When David arrives he doesn’t go in for a kiss, so Matteo just awkwardly stays seated next to Jonas. 

“Hey,” David greets them. He’s holding on to the strap of his backpack and he looks a bit uneasy.

“Hey,” Jonas goes right into it: “Listen, I’m so sorry for my admittedly big part in the whole misunderstanding. I was totally shitty and I apologize.”

Matteo keeps looking from David's face, to Jonas' to try and gauge their moods.

“I’m also sorry for being rude to you those times we met, I was just worried about this one,” he says, giving Matteo a little nudge with his elbow. “But Matteo’s since told me I should stop being such a helicopter dad.” 

“Apology accepted,” David says graciously. “It’s cool.”

Jonas gives David one of those big Jonas smiles that Matteo is never able to resists, and he hopes it’ll work the same on David. Matteo just really wants his best friend and his - David to get along. 

“Great,” Matteo says. “Sorted.”

“Also, I have all the dirt on Matteo and I have a lot of embarrassing stories to share, so I think you and I should hang out all the time so I can tell you all about it.” Jonas grins. 

Less great. Definitely not sorted. 

They walk to class together and Matteo takes David’s hand. David looks surprised but rewards him with a big smile. It makes Matteo squeeze his hand a little tighter. 

All three of them sit next to each other in class, but Matteo and David know better than to try and talk with Jonas there, paying attention.Instead, they exchange notes and at the end of class David gives him a tiny sketch of two boys holding hands. The one on the left is obviously David, cause he looks like the sketch in the very first drawing David gave him. The one on the right is supposed to be Matteo, he thinks. He’s wearing the same sunglasses David put on the cup of coffee in the sketch Matteo got from him during another sociology class. 

“I see you haven’t forgotten how cool I am,” Matteo tells him. 

“The coolest,” David agrees graciously. 

Jonas snorts rudely and David laughs with him. 

Great, they're already siding against him. 

\---

It's been one week since they first kissed, and they spent half the night talking in Matteo's bed. The next morning Matteo wakes up without David, but with a piece of paper in his hand instead. 

On it is a drawing of a tiny David holding up a sign that says: “Do you want to be my boyfriend? Check the box.” The boxes say: “Yes,” “No” and “You had me at _can i borrow a pen?_ ”

Matteo just smiles at the drawing like an absolute lunatic for probably five minutes, before grabbing his phone and texting David: 

To David: You had me at ‘I was writing hardcore pokémon porn’

To David: <3

To David: So yes.

From David: Oh, good.

From David: If that blew your mind, wait until you see what kind of pokémon porn I can _draw_.

Matteo laughs at that, but before he can type anything more he gets another text from David. 

From David: I’m actually still in your apartment. 

Matteo flings himself out of bed and goes looking for his boyfriend. He finds him on the couch with a cup of tea. 

“I figured if you said no,” David says, “I could just slip out of the door and it’d be less embarrassing for all of us.”

“Lucky for you then I’m keeping you around for the pokémon porn,” Matteo takes David’s mug out of his hands and gets in his lap. 

\--- 

The first time they have sex they're in David's bed, surrounded by all the art supplies and little knickknacks that keep Matteo endlessly fascinated whenever he's over. 

Matteo is nervous. He's not sure if the fingers he's trailing up to David's neck are shaking cause of how excited he is, or because of the nerves. It's overwhelming and Matteo is kind of used to feeling overwhelmed, but this is a whole new category. It's not a bad feeling, though, it's more like being on a rollercoaster but without being able to see the ground or where the ride is actually going. It kind of feels like never knowing what'll come next: a loop, or a steep fall. 

Matteo recognizes the condom David pulls out of a box from under his bed as the ones they were handing out at the LGBTQ stand during the clubs fair. 

"I have those as well," he tries to joke. He trails off when he sees just how many of the condoms seem to be stashed under David's bed though. 

"Max gave me a bunch of the ones they had left over from last year," David tells him. 

"Oh," Matteo replies. Max must be the attractive guy David was talking to back then. The one Jonas supposedly saw David kiss. 

This is not his favorite part of the rollercoaster ride, so far. 

"Oh no," David reassures him. "He handed them out to all the members. I just got extras cause they were all teasing me about how much I talked about you." David's flush runs all the way from high up on his cheeks, down his throat, until it disappears enticingly under the neckline of the t-shirt he kept on. 

" _Oh_ ," Matteo breathes out. 

"I've been super into you for a while," David whispers, "It's really embarrassing." He doesn't look embarrassed though. He looks proud and he looks _hot_. 

"Super embarrassing," Matteo whispers back. 

"Can I -" He leans back down to continue kissing down his boyfriend's throat, while trying to blindly grab around for the condom. 

"Yeah, yeah." David encourages, and the rollercoaster is back to doing a triple loop. 

 

He tells David that he loves him the next day. He kind of just blurts it out. He didn't mean to say it out loud, but at the same time he also isn't sure he could've kept it inside much longer. It's too difficult, with the morning light shining in through the windows, bringing out all the different colors of David's hair and catching on his eyelashes - making him look so handsome. Matteo feels so overwhelmed for a second, and so he tells David that he loves him. He's really given David everything now, splayed himself open, trusting him to be kind and gentle with his fumbling gifts. 

Luckily David is the most gentle person Matteo knows. 

He kisses Matteo's eyelids and whispers that he loves him back. 

\---

Matteo meets a bunch of David’s friends in theater group the next week. 

Matteo drops by when David’s rehearsing. Their play, Juliet, is an adaption of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet but with dragons and music, or something. The way David described it, Juliet runs off with the dragon in the end. Matteo’s very excited to see it premier, not least of all becuase David’s playing Romeo. 

“I could still be a tree, if you need me to,” Matteo says when David comes to greet him with a kiss on the cheek. 

“Your talents would be wasted on a tree,” David tells him, “The village idiot has already been cast, but I’m sure Ben wouldn’t mind giving you the role once he sees your true potential.”

“Har har,” Matteo says, while David laughs at his own joke. Honestly. 

David introduces Matteo to the whole cast and crew, so that’s about forty names that go in one ear and out the other. Everyone seems nice enough though, and it’s great to see David in his element among all these people. David’s met Matteo’s friends a couple of times now, and it’s always been fun, but here it’s obvious how much David feels at ease with these people, doing something he enjoys doing. 

Matteo stays the whole two hours, watching everything from the sidelines. They go out for dinner after with a bunch of the cast and crew. Matteo sits in one of the corner seats, next to David, and mostly enjoys listening to everyone else talk. 

Leonie throws him some looks throughout the meal, and every time she catches Matteo's eye, he feels ashamed of how their last conversation went. For a second he thinks she's going to confront him about it, but at the end of the night she just smiles at them when they're ready to go, holding hands. 

\--

They’re running so late. They woke up on time and didn’t sleep through the alarm or anything, it’s just that they woke up and then somehow time got away from them and now they’re late. 

Matteo was team _let’s just stay home and miss class then_ , but David asked him who he’d copy notes from if David wasn’t there either and he actually made a solid point. So now they’re rushing, and running, and David calls out: “Can you grab my backpack from your room, please?” from the bathroom. 

“Why do I have to go get your stuff?” Matteo asks, just to be contrary, but he’s already on his way. 

“Don’t forget my pen case! I took it out last night, it’s on your desk.”

“Yes, sir."

Matteo grabs David’s backpack and puts it on the bed, before going over to his desk to look for the pen case. He collects all David’s pens and puts them back in the case when his eyes fall on a tiny IKEA pencil. 

Matteo takes it out and for a second he wonders why David would take one of his pencils when he knows that David’s got a bunch of expensive mechanical pencils in there. It’s then that he notices the little heart, drawn in with marker, at the bottom. The point’s nice and sharp as well and Matteo remembers that when David tried to give him back that very first pencil he let him borrow, the point was just like that. 

“Are you ready?” David asks from the doorway. When Matteo doesn’t immediately reply David asks: “You’re not really mad that I’m making you go to class, right?”

Matteo turns to him and shows him the pencil. “What’s this?” 

David stares at the pencil for just a second too long before saying: “One of your IKEA pencils, I don’t know, you have a million of them.”

“This one came from your pencil case.”

“Must’ve somehow made its way in there.”

“Oh,” Matteo says, “So you don’t mind if I take it back then. You know what, this one seems to be getting a little small so I might as well just toss-“

David’s at his side now, trying to grab the pencil, but Matteo twists away and holds it out of reach. 

“Alright, you can stop being a little shit about it,” David says. 

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“This is the pencil you gave me.” David says, “And you know it, cause you’re a smug pain in my ass.”

“You kept it,” Matteo says. 

“You gave it to me, so it’s mine. Give it back.”

Matteo puts it on the desk and curls his hands around David’s face to pull him in for a kiss. “You put a little heart on it.” He mumbles against David’s lips. 

“I had to make sure it didn’t get lost among the dozens of pencils you take to class every day, didn’t I? We’re always surrounded by the things, it’s like you have a fetish.”

“I gotta stay stocked up in case cute boys ask me for a pencil to borrow in class,” Matteo says. 

David actually _bites_ at Matteo’s lip and says: “Cute boys, huh?”

“Well,” Matteo swallows, “One. One cute boy.”

They don’t make it to their morning class. 

\--

Matteo is happy that his friends are so accepting of David, but sometimes they seem to forget that he isn't just one of the guys. He's also Matteo's _boyfriend_ and some things they just shouldn't be asking about. 

"David," Carlos says, "I wanted to ask you something."

They've been smoking weed, drinking beer and playing video games at Matteo's place for the past couple of hours now. They've reached that point where everyone is getting a little hungry, but they're all still too lazy to do something about and check Matteo's fridge or order take out or something. 

"Hm?" David acknowledges. He's sat on the couch with Matteo leaning against his shoulder, his arm curled around Matteo’s chest.

"What's it like sleeping with a girl, like as opposed to sleeping with a guy?"

Matteo almost chokes on the sip of beer he was taking. 

"Are you asking me what it's like to sleep with a girl?" David asks, cheeky as fuck and Jonas and Abdi immediately join in on giving Carlos shit about that. 

"No. I _know_ what it's like to sleep with a girl, thanks." Carlos says and Abdi is laughing so hard there might be tears rolling down his face. "I just mean. What's the difference between a guy and a girl."

"I don't know," David shrugs.

Jonas, Carlos and Abdi are all staring at David with such obvious interest though, and David goes on: "There's not really much of a difference? Or I mean: there's probably as much difference between two guys or two girls, as there can be between a guy and a girl? Everyone is different and does things differently."

"Hm," Abdi seems to consider this for a second. "I guess that makes sense."

"Yeah," Jonas says, "Remember that girl who was really into feet stuff."

"Feet stuff?" David asks. 

"You don't wanna know," Abdi tells him. 

“She was _very_ different from other girls I’ve slept with.”

"What's it like sleeping with Matteo then," Abdi asks, poking Matteo in the leg. "How does our little Luigi rate." 

"Okay, guys, that's enough," Matteo mumbles, kicking at Abdi to get him to stop poking him, and leaning further into David so he doesn't have to look at these idiots anymore. 

"I still think being pan must be the best," Abdi says. "You can really choose _anyone_."

"But he chose Matteo," Jonas says.

"Weirdly enough," Carlos says.

David kisses the top of Matteo's head, and Matteo wonders why he keeps these assholes around at all. 

\---

Matteo meets Laura on a Thursday evening. She’s invited him over for dinner as David’s official boyfriend. 

David picks him up at his apartment and makes a pleased noise when Matteo opens the door. 

“You look so nice,” he compliments, moving in for a kiss and a hug. 

“Don’t I always look nice?” Matteo asks. 

“You do, but now you look all handsome and cleaned up.” Matteo tries not to preen under the compliments _too_ noticeably. He did put a genuine effort into picking out this outfit and making sure his hair was at least a little presentable. 

“Why don’t you ever dress up for me?” David teases. 

“Well, by the time I was trying to impress you,” Matteo says, “You’d already seen me in all my sweats and two-day-old shirts and jumpers, so I figured it was kind of a moot point.” 

David laughs, “You tried to impress me?” He asks, incredulously. “When? I must’ve missed that part of our courtship.”

“Our courtship,” Matteo replies mockingly, “Honestly, with you.”

 

They ride their bikes out to Laura’s apartment, and David holds his hand as they wait for her to open up. When she opens the door, David engulfs her in a tight hug, and they say something to each other Matteo can’t quite catch. 

“You must be Matteo,” she greets him warmly. 

“Yes, hi.” 

“Come in, come in,” she ushers them inside and into the kitchen where the table is already set. 

“My roommates are out, so we’ve got the whole place to ourselves.”

Laura asks him about school, and his friends and family. She’s easy to talk to, and she's obviously sizing him up to see if he's good enough for her little brother, but not in an overly obvious or rude way. It’s also just great to see David interact with her. They’re obviously close, and it makes Matteo a little envious. He’s often wondered what it would’ve been like to have a sibling to grow up with. How it might’ve changed his life, or his relationship with his parents. Mostly he's just happy that David has her in his life though. 

“You two are so sweet together,” Laura says after they’ve had dessert. 

David looks pleased at the compliment. Matteo is just happy she seems to approve of him. 

“You never lived here, right?” Matteo asks him, “So there’s no childhood bedroom I can snoop around in?”

“No, Laura and I used to live together but then I went to live with the girls, closer to school, and Laura moved in here, closer to work.”

“I do have some baby pictures,” Laura says, taking a sip of wine, “But I think David would actually kill me if I showed you those.” 

David rolls his eyes but doesn't disagree.

David and Laura say goodbye with another hug, and this time Matteo gets one from her as well. "You're welcome here any time," she tells him, and he knows she means it. 

\---

When they get back to Matteo's place after dinner, Hans, Linn and Mia are in the kitchen making cookies. David sits on the counter and eats the dough straight out of the bowl. Matteo grabs a chair and goes to sit between David's legs, so David can curl around him. 

"I can't believe you can still eat," Matteo mumbles into his thigh. "I'm still so full from dinner." 

"I'm a growing boy," David says, finally relinquishing the completely empty bowl, and putting his sugar sticky hands in Matteo's hair. 

Matteo can't even begin to mind, he'll just wash it later. 

"What can we do while we wait for the cookies to bake?" Mia asks them. 

"Has anyone seen this season of Drag Race yet?" Lin asks. 

Nobody has, so they all pile into the living room to start episode one. Mia puts the oven timer on the coffee table and cuddles close to Hans, while Linn claims the recliner. Matteo runs back to his room to grab a blanket for him and David, who seems to be going into his usual post-food coma and always gets cold and snuggly then. 

When Matteo gets back to the living room and sees everyone all together, the smell of cookies in the air and the gentle sound of the old fashioned kitchen timer ticking away, he suddenly feels like everything is just right. 

"What are you doing, standing in the doorway?" David asks, making grabby hands at Matteo and breaking him out of his thoughts. 

"Nothing," Matteo says, getting on the couch and draping the blanket over David and himself. "I'm just happy," he says soft enough so that only David can hear him. 

Except apparently suddenly everyone has developed super-hearing cause they all start _awwing_ at him. "Matteo, you sap," Mia accuses gently, and Matteo pulls the blanket higher over himself. 

David holds him closer and whispers: "I'm happy too."


End file.
